'To vo sab jhut tha na?' She texted him but deleted it right away. (It was all a lie right?)

Too late, he had already read it.

'What all?'

'Nothing'

'Tell me.'

'Yahi sab. Ki tumhe mohabbat hai mujhse.' (All of this. That you love me)

'Main bolta nahi iska matlab ye nahi ki main karta nahi. Bas ye sab karke dil dukhta hai or kuch nahi. (Just because I don't say it, doesn't mean I don't feel it. It's just that we get hurt by all this.) So, it's better to stay away from these things.'

She kept quiet as he kept on saying.

'Who doesn't like to be treated this special by someone? So loved by someone? But I know the ending too. It all ends with pain,' he concluded at last.

.

.

The night passed, but the thoughts in her mind didn't. She was annoyed with him. So she decided to make him understand that, 'it's okay if you can't promise me your future, at least give me your present.'

The next day she said all the things that were coming to her mind.

'I am not asking for future promises because it isn't in our hands. But we do have the present in our hands, right? Even if it's for a year, month, or even a day, can't we stay together? I know this is temporary, but at least I would be having beautiful memories to cherish. That yes you were a part of my life.'

He understood her point of view, but his main concern was an attachment, which she wasn't looking into. He can see her falling deeper day by day, and couldn't seem to understand how to handle it. Because his own heart was betraying him. So, he decided to shut his heart and listen to his brain.

He started talking less and maintaining a distance from her. He was also getting busier at work than before. She understood his intentions and accepted the fact that yes there's neither a present nor future for them.

So let's not be greedy and ruin the beautiful friendship they have. She had always wanted a guy friend with whom she can be her true self and talk about anything.

And he was the one.

'Talking about feelings? They will fade away soon. He must be just a crush maybe. Not love as I thought. Plus I only know him for 3 months. I will surely get over him soon.' She thought.

.

.

*****

Chaand Raat (Eve) came in a few days. Everyone wished each other Eid Mubarak, including them.

"Oh, I wish I could call him some endearments. But sadly he always takes it seriously. 'It will hurt hayat'," Hayat ranted to Zoe as they were finding the moon behind the clouds. "Wait, I have an idea. How about I say that you have given me a dare?" She smiled at her cousin who looked at her with 'Im-so-done-with-you' expressions.

"Go ahead. I have no problem." Zoe shrugged making her smile widen.

She again wished him even though they had already exchanged wishes.

Stupid she was.

'Eid Mubarak Jaan-e-man' (sweetheart)

'😒 Eid Mubarak,' he replied with an emoji.

Everyone on this planet was done with her.

'Don't take it seriously, it was a dare,' she gave her fake excuse before he says anything.

'Ohh. Who gave it?'

'Zoe'

'She is quite smart, isn't she?'

'She is my sister afterall'

'Yeah'

.

.

******

The next morning, Hayat was excited for the day ahead. Ofcourse, it was Eid-ul-Fitr. She got dressed up in a black top with a red shrug attached to it, matching with black leggings. The day went in serving the guests and meeting with cousins.

On the other side, Murat woke up earlier than usual to get ready for 'Eid ki Namaz' (eid salah/prayer). He got dressed in a black kurta-pajama and went ahead with all the male elders in Masjid. The rest of the day went busy with family & friends.

Finally, they talked in the late afternoon and exchanged pics with each other. Without a doubt, they both were admiring each other but didn't show much emotion.

The second day of Eid went in a flash without any contact. She was busy with the family gatherings with Zoe, but late at night she thought to text him.

'Tumhaari itni yaad kyu aarahi hai?' (Why am I missing you so much?)

The next morning he replied, 'Why?'

In the afternoon when she checked the messages, she texted back. 'I don't know. Maybe because we aren't talking much nowadays'.

He was a little busy and tense at that moment. He told her 'we will talk later', but she kept on poking him to sort it out right now.

In no time he got frustrated and said, 'hum baat nahi karte hain na? Ab hum baat hi nahi karenge. Naa tum message karogi naa hi main.' (We don't talk right? We will not talk now then. Neither you will message, nor me)

She became angry at him and said bye in return, deleting his number.

Little did she know, he meant every word, and it was not just one of their fights.

16 May 2021, was the last time they talked.

.

.

*********

"I know he would come around, just like everyone does," she shrugged off.

"Hmm let's see." Zoe nodded.

"Anyways, I don't care. He can do whatever he wants. It's not like I'm dying to talk with him."

Days passed, but no approach was made by either of them. She waited that maybe he would contact her.

"Shit! I even deleted his number. I shouldn't have done it in anger," she mumbled to herself.

Soon she realized maybe he meant all that. Maybe he wasn't just angry.

"But how could he?! I mean-" she pinched her nose as she ran out of words. "Okay. I know we would have parted ways someday, but I didn't know it would be so sudden. But what's done is done. If he doesn't wanna keep our friendship anymore, it's alright. But I will end it on good terms. Because I want mental peace."

"And what will you gonna do?" Jaylene asked.

"I will send him a goodbye letter on his birthday. It's coming in a few days."

"Ohhkaayy"

"Is it okay?"

"Yeah, it is fine. It will make your heart at peace and finally admit that yes everything's over now."

"Yeah. Because all I do nowadays is wait for him. That maybe he would contact. Maybe. But after this, I can calm myself that yes nothing will happen now."

.

.

.

********

Happy Birthday, Murat!

Shayad mera msg dekh ke tum sochoge 'yaar ye phir agayi'. And shayad tum ye msg pura padhoge bhi nahi. Its okay. Bas mujhe apni baat kehni hai. Dubara text nahi aayega tumhare pas fikr mat karo.

Mujhe pata tha ek din humare raste alag ho jayenge but itne jaldi vo din ajayga ye nahi socha tha.

Mujhe laga tha gusse me tumne bola hai ab baat mat karna.. But guess what vo to sach tha.. Sab kuch hone se pehle maine tumhe apna ek achha dost maana tha. Isliye mujhe humari dosti bad terms pe end nahii karni thi. Maine socha tha haste hue khuda hafiz bolenge. Kuch baate unkahi reh gyi thi meri taraf se. Isliye ye letter likh rhi hu.

Meri har baat romantic way me nahi hoti thi. Kayi baate main as a friend bolti thi. Mujhe ek guy friend chahiye tha jiske sath main pagalpanti kar saku, masti kar saku, kuch bhi baat share kar saku or vo mujhe thik baat samjhaye. And humari dosti bilkul vesi thi. But phir tumne doori rakhni shuru kardi taki mujhe sach me mohabbat na ho jaye. You know what? Main isliye feelings beech me nahi lana chahti thi kyuki mujhe pata tha dosti kharab ho jaygi. And vahi hua. Crush tha tumpe utar jata ek do mahine me.. Mujhe mohabbat krni bhi nahi thi.

Khair jo hua so hua. Shayad meri kismat me koi guy friend hai hi nahi. Gadbad honi hai kahi na kahi. And haa tum chutiya ho. Kayi baar pucha hai na tumne ye sawal. Aaj jawab de rhi hu.

Anyways happy birthday again, I hope tum apne sab goals achieve karo and achhi life jiyo. Shukria mujhe kuch khas memories dene ke liye.

Take care

Tumhari dost

Hayat

Allah hafiz

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(translation)

Happy Birthday, Murat!

Maybe after seeing my message you will be like "God! She's here again?". Maybe you wouldn't even read the full message. It's okay. I just want to say something. You wouldn't get a text from me ever again.

I had known that we would part our ways someday, but I didn't know it would be this soon.

I thought you were just angry when you said 'we wouldn't talk again.' But little did I know that you meant every word.

Before everything happened, I had always thought of you as my good friend with whom I didn't want to end things on a bad note. I thought we would say our goodbyes with a smile on our faces.

Some things were left unsaid. That's the reason I'm writing this letter.

I didn't use to say everything romantically. Sometimes I meant it in a friendly way. I had always wanted a guy friend with whom I can share my craziness, do lots of fun, talk about anything, and take advice whenever needed. And our bond was exactly like that.

But then you started maintaining your distance, thinking I might fall in love with you. You know what? That's why I didn't want to bring feelings in between because I knew it would ruin our friendship. And that's exactly what happened. Yes, I did have a crush on you but it would have gone away in a month or so. I wasn't even planning to fall in love with you.

Anyways what's done is done. Maybe there's no guy friend written in my fate. Somewhere or the other something is bound to happen. And yes, you are an asshole. You have asked this question many times, right? Here's the answer.

Anyways, Happy Birthday again. I hope you live your life to the fullest and achieve everything you want. Thank you for giving me some precious memories.

Take care

Your friend

Hayat

Goodbye

.

.

.

**************

She wrote down whatever she wanted to say to him one last time. Her intentions, her thoughts, her feelings, and thanked him at last. Her friends supported her with the decision but couldn't stop laughing at the 'asshole' part.