Hayat's POV

I was waiting eagerly for the day to come but soon rumors started everywhere about banning social media platforms including Instagram. I didn't believe it at first but when it was almost everywhere in the news, I got worried.

I don't even have his number. The only way I can contact him is insta.
What should I do?

Should I wait, coz what if it's fake?

But what if it's true? You will regret it later.

After mentally debating I sent him a week before his birthday. I knew that his response would be rude. Either he will leave it on seen or just reply 'goodbye'. But at least he would read it and that's all I want.

Two days passed but he didn't even open the chat, which made me frustrated. 

Alas! I couldn't wait any longer and texted Aamir.

'Aamir?'

'Who's this?'

You blind bro? Cant, you see my username?

'Is Murat with you?' I cut to the chase ignoring his question.

'No. Why?'

'You aren't lying, right? Swear on your 3rd girlfriend.'
Murat had told me about how Aamir keeps 4 girlfriends simultaneously. So I thought to pull his leg.

'First of all, I don't talk to any of them anymore.'

I chuckled at his reply.
'I see. Will you do something for me?'

'What is it?'

'Jab Murat mile na, uske guddi pe ek zor se laga dena meri taraf se'
(Give a tight slap on the back of Murat's neck whenever you will meet him.)

'What happened?'

'Also, Mister is very busy to check his phone but can update his ID.'

'He is usually busy with work'

'Yeah Yeah, I know the workload.'
I rolled my eyes.

'Yeah. That's why he doesn't get time.'

'Anyways, just do my work'

'Ohkay but I can't slap him'

'Why tho?'
I raised my eyebrows at his response.

'Because he is older than me.'

Duh!!! Broo?!??

'Ohh how much?' I replied.

'1 year'

He is just messing with me I know

'Who's telling you to slap him personally? That would be from my side.'

'You can slap him yourself if it would be from your side.'

His reply stopped my heart for a second.

Will we really meet?

A ping of hope emerged but I shoo it away instantly.

'If I could I would have chopped him into pieces'
I replied to him with a heavy heart.

He started replying a little late which made me doubt that maybe he is with Murat? Maybe Murat said to lie about it.

God knows better

'Good' his reply came after a minute or so.

'Anyways just tell him to check his inbox by sacrificing his precious time. I haven't sent him love letters, don't worry.'

After almost 4-5 mins he replied,
'Jo cheez usko jis din ke liye bheji hai, vo us din check kar lega'
(He will check it on the day it is meant for)

Seriously!! Either he knew it all along and was playing with me, or Murat is with him right now. Because I can feel that these are his words. I don't know why but I'm having this feeling. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe Aamir texts like this too.

'Matlab dekhlia
Tum bhi bohot bade wale ho'
(That means you both know about it.
You are also such a...)
Now I wanted to slap the back of his neck too.

'Haaa'
(Yeahhh)

'I sent it in advance because of the rumors about insta getting banned.'

'Ok'

'Anyways
Bye
Just came to say this.'

'Ok'

I placed my phone down after seeing the last message.

And then it hit me.

It's finally over now.

.
.
.

************

I didn't feel much in the starting, but as days went by, it started to hit me.

Each and everything.

I wanted to talk about him but didn't want to poke my friends. Because I know the responses I will get. Either they would say to stop thinking about him, divert my mind, or would instead scold me that why am I still getting affected by him.

He was no one to me.

Just a stranger, just a friend, whose existence I didn't even know about before February.

So I decided to make my journal.

********

30 May 2021
11:10 AM

Dear Diary,

My mind is a mess right now. Too many things are happening at once.

Let's start with Murat.
I'm really missing this human a lot. I don't know in what sense. I guess every sense. Yesterday was a bit rough day and I got overwhelmed. Some family issues are going on.

I don't know for how long I was laying on the terrace, listening to songs and crying my eyes out. I can't share this with anyone because I know, either I will get scolded or... I don't know.

Because our bond was something weird but it was special. It's hard to explain. We were good friends, and liked each other, but couldn't get into a relationship.

We were friends who had a crush on each other? LOL. Weird I know.

Those three months were the most special moments of my life because I was with him. I don't know what's in his heart now. Why did he cut off all of a sudden?

Maybe he is scared of falling in love, scared of going against his family.

Why did he confess his feelings when he can't do commitment? Why did he say he loves me? We would have just stayed good friends.

Sometimes he was like the sweetest guy in the world, and sometimes the rudest among all.

Since the cutoff, he has been on my mind continuously. I waited and waited, that maybe he would contact me again, maybe?
Even in dreams, I used to see this all, that he contacted me again, and we sorted out things and stuff. But they were dreams :)

Wasn't he also one?

So, I decided to send him a goodbye letter on his birthday, but due to some rumors about banning Instagram, I sent him before the date, because I didn't have his number. I would have gone completely contactless.

But they were only rumors lol, and I was clowned :)

Anyways getting back to it, I waited for two fucking days, but no response. Not even a seen. Guess he restricted my account maybe? That way the other person won't know you saw the message.

I don't know but I couldn't hold it any longer and texted his friend Aamir. Then it got revealed that bitch already saw the message.
I mean? This much distance? Avoiding? For what?

Anyways, I ended our friendship on good terms for my mental peace. To kick him out of my mind, and my life. Finally, everything ended with no further contact. But why am I still missing him?

I wish those three months can repeat on a loop. When I met him, talked with him, heard his voice for the first time, interacted with video call, laughed at his stupid jokes....

Well, he is gone now. All that he left behind are his footprints in my mind as his memories. He left after teaching me new lessons. To see the world from a different perspective altogether.

.
.

Few weeks passed

I was checking my online class schedule when deja vu hit me.

~~~~

'Are you free? Can I call you?' His text popped up as I was arranging my books for the next class.

'Yeah. I have 15 mins'

In an instant, my phone rang and I picked up.

"What are you doing?"

"Just waiting for class. It's about to start."

"Achha. Or batayen."
(Ohh. What else? Say something)

"Kya batau."
(What should I say?)

"Anything"

"Ask me"

"Tum bolti nahi ho ya mere samne nahi bol rahi?"
(You don't talk much or just not talking in front of me?)

"We have just met a few days ago, that's why"

"Ohh"

"Yeah because I'm not that frank with you just yet"

"Ohh you aren't frank with me yet? It doesn't seem like that while texting"

"Yes, that's texting. This is calling"

"Ohkay no problem."

"Yep. I will start talking gradually with time"

"Aaj main bol raha hu tum sun rahi ho. Ek waqt esa ayega jab tum bolti rahogi or main bas sunta rahunga."
(Today I'm the one talking and you are listening. One day you will be the one talking and I would be just listening to you.)

"Achha."
(Really)

"Ji."
(Yeah)

"Okay I have to go now"

"Kahan?"
(Where?)

"My class is about to start"

"Take it later"

"Arey I will miss it"

"Class or me?"

"What kind of question is that?" I chuckled

"Class ya main?" he repeated his question. (Class or me?)

"Class." I tried not to laugh.

"Achha? Chaliye jaiye phir. Main aapka time kharab kar raha hu matlab." He said in a low voice.
(Really? Okay, you should go now. I must be wasting your precious time.)

'Dramebaz,' I thought.
(drama queen)

"Arey we can talk later na." I tried to sound reasonable.

"Yeah yeah it's alright"

I chuckled and we said bye.

~~~~~

I smiled at the memory of him and took out my books for the next class.

.
.
.

Days became weeks, weeks became months. My schedule got busy with classes and notes and I also started doing some side activities like sketching. But once a month especially during periods, thanks to mood swings, I would have a mental breakdown.

.
.
.

********