I took a glance in the mirror.
I look so, different.

It was my first time getting dressed so heavily.
And by heavy, I mean goldy-goldy stuff.

I usually prefer silver.

I know it was just a chain with small earrings, and two broad bangles, but I was feeling so overloaded because of the golden look they had.

And the dress!
It was my mum's turquoise maxi with golden work all over it.

"Am I looking alright?" I asked mum for the hundredth time.

"Yes you are Hayat"

"It's just that...I've never worn too much gold before...you know? And the makeup?"

"Everything is balanced, you're just overthinking. You'll feel fine as soon as you'll enter the banquet hall. There would be numerous girls having more glitter and heavy makeover than yours," mum chuckled.

"Yeah. IDK how do they do that," I shook my head thinking about those three colored glittery eye-shadows. "You know this Mehendi is also giving me a whole lotta different vibe," I laughed.

Even though I'm a BIG fan of Mehendi, but right now, I wished my hands were bare. Because just having henna on your hands is different, but if you'll add a heavy makeover with lots of goldy-goldy stuff, it gets different.

I brushed away the weird thoughts I was getting and left for the banquet hall with pops. (yeah my dad)

By weird thoughts, I mean like married vibes. I know it's senseless because brides have way too much heavily loaded attire, but still...

Being a girl who has a collection of silver jewellery, I couldn't help it.

"Jaylene!" I waved at my best friend as soon as I found her in the ladies' section.

Mum was right.
There are way more glittery and heavily loaded girls out here.

Phew~
Now I feel fine.

"Did you meet Lina?" Jaylene asked.

"I just got here"

"Ohh, let me take you there then. I came out to have some snacks."

She opened the door of the makeup room, revealing our beloved bride, which made my jaw drop.

"Dayum," I mumbled.

"Mashallah," Jaylene corrected me.

"Oh sorry. Mashallah habibti. You are looking damn gorgeous"

We three chuckled.

I met her family and cousins, and gave her my gift (which I decorated with love) with a self-written note on the top.

'My beloved begum,

I hope you keep a check on your temper and try to extract every bit of happiness you can. Because we both know; LIFE IS NOT A FAIRYTALE, IT'S MORE LIKE A PAKISTANI DRAMA LOL!

Your dramebaz (drama queen)
Hayat khan'

Lina loves watching Pakistani dramas which are melodramatic for me. So it fitted well.
She chuckled after reading it and I said, "I didn't copy-paste it from google."

"I can tell," she said with a heavy voice.

Before it can turn into an emotional moment, her mother said, "Okay let me take a picture of the three of you. You all are looking gorgeous."

We cracked some jokes together, and soon it was time for her to go to the stage for some more photoshoots.

In the meantime Jaylene and I had dinner and strolled throughout the venue, checking out the food corner.

"We have become adults" I mumbled to Jaylene, as we watched Lina getting a photoshoot with her husband.

"Yeah."

"One of us won't be a virgin anymore," I mumbled shaking my head, and Jaylene stared at me.

We both burst into laughter.

"Hayat, you're so-"

"I know," I nodded.

"You guys didn't go on stage?" Lina's mother interrupted us.

"Not yet aunty," Jaylene said.

"Go go. Whatchya waiting for?"

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*******

I scrolled through our pictures from the wedding I got just now while snuggling in between pillows.

Time flies so fast.

People my age are getting married.
Whereas I am still stuck over a guy who I met a few months ago, and that too ONLINE.

HOW PATHETIC

And he doesn't even want me back.

DOUBLE PATHETIC

I closed my eyes with a sigh.

"You like someone? It's okay to like 'em. I also like someone"

His words ring in my ear he said a few days back.
I don't know if he meant this for me, or someone else, or just in general.
But idk why I'm getting a feeling that he is talking about me.

Let's not get our hopes high Hayat.
You're alone in this mess, and you'll have to get out of it by yourself.
He has moved on.

Yep
Yep
Yep

.
.
.

Keeping myself balanced with the thought that yes, he has moved on is a difficult task, but I'm coping with it.

I had finally admitted everything and chanted these lines again and again in front of the mirror.

Yes, he has moved on.
Yes, he isn't my soulmate.
Yes, he doesn't miss me anymore.
Yes, he doesn't love me anymore.

He used those 6 months to move on. He kept a guard on himself in those 3 months.

Whereas I, even after thousands of warnings, slipped my guard down. I fell in love with him, kept on missing him, praying for him, and getting attached to him.

Yes, it did hurt a little, but not like before.

Yess.

I have finally made peace with myself and the situation.

We were in touch, that's it.

Even though I still had feelings for him, I didn't let'em come in between. I wasn't expecting anything from him. I had nothing to lose, and that's why I was so straightforward with my opinions too. I didn't care if he will like'em or got offended.

It had been 3 days without a single contact between us, when his message popped up on my screen.

Red Nose
'Where are you?'

Yep, I don't message him anymore, and neither does he. That's why I was quite surprised at how did he took the initiative?

I was out shopping with dad so just replied, 'I'm out right now. Talk to you later.'

Red Nose
'Out? What's up?'

I raised my eyebrow at his reply.
Okay, someone is interested in my life.

Me
'Shopping'

Red Nose
'Oh. When will you reach home?'

I had the urge to snap at him. Like why does he care?

Me
'Idk maybe an hour?'

Red Nose
'Okay im waiting'

Are you serious?
I shook my head wondering, what was up with him.
Yes, I felt butterflies and slapped my cheek to stop smiling, but in vain.

After reaching home I had the urge to text him but stopped myself.

Not yet Hayat.
It's evening, have your snacks first.
He can wait.

I was in the middle of sipping tea when my phone vibrated.

Red Nose
'????'

Couldn't wait hmm??

Me
'Yeah just reached home 15 mins before'

Lie.
It's been half an hour.
Lol

Red Nose
'Call??'

Me
'In 5 mins'

I scolded myself for smiling too much and finished my tea.
Y'all must be wondering about the change of his name. I changed his name from 'beeezzyy hooman' to 'RedNose' after we got in contact again. I love giving names, especially to him. There's a back story of this name.

When we used to talk before, he once posted a pic on his profile, on which I commented 'Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer'. I asked why his nose is so reddish and he said "idk, it just gets red when the climate is too hot or too cold".

After finishing up my snack I went up to the terrace and called him. "Assalamualaikum," he greeted me as soon as he picked up.

"Walikum Assalam," I greeted back.

"What did you buy?" he asked.

"Umm, I went intending to buy sneakers, but fell in love with a pair of heels." I chuckled.

"I see"

"Yep. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just free right now. I was wondering where were you, so quiet since few days"

"Well, I've been a little busy, and I also thought not to disturb you."
More like staying away from you.

"I would have responded if I was free. There's no problem."

"Okay..."
What's the occasion boy?

It's been only a few minutes of talking when our conversation turned to the topic 'diary'.

"There was a reason behind choosing diary as a gift," I said

"And what's that?"

"If you would have ever felt overwhelmed, or bottled up with things you can't share with anyone, you could have written them down. You feel light, after pouring down your emotions on paper you know?"

"What if anyone reads it?"

"Keep it in a safe place, where no one goes. Or your secret place no one knows about," I said with a 'Duh' tone.

"I see. But I don't need to write them down. If I ever feel heavy, I share it with the Almighty, pouring out my heart. He listens to everything," he answered calmly.

"Hmmm, that's true though," I murmured while roaming around on the terrace.

He made me feel like a kaafir for a few seconds lmao.

Because I write diary myself.

I know there's nothing wrong with writing a diary and everyone has their ways to cope with their emotions. But still, you know that senseless idiotic feeling, which comes up when you see a better muslimah than you? And you feel bad about not handling things in a better Muslim way?

Lmao, I'm rambling in my head.

Anyways, back to him, our topic about 'diary' went on for a few minutes more, as he talked about attaching memories with things.

"If a person gives you something, a memory will automatically get attached to that thing. It will remind you of that person whenever you'll see that thing. Good and bad both memories will be refreshed in your mind about that person."

"Why think about bad ones? Just pick up good ones."

"Yeah. Now let's close this topic, you didn't give me diary, end of discussion."

"Yeah absolutely a good thing, otherwise you would have thrown it away in waste papers," I chuckled.

"Nah, I would have just kept it in the vault safely, which wouldn't have come in my use because I don't write."

I sighed.

"Your money would have gone to waste, what's the benefit of that?"

"Somewhere in life, you would have used it. It's not like you won't need paper in life ever again."

"Bookkeeping-"

"Yes be it bookkeeping"

"For that, I can-"

I laughed.

"-use plain paper", he chuckled with a sigh. "Okay give it next time. Happy?"

"Nope, I don't want to. After listening to 1000 faults in it, why would I?"

"Tell me one thing. Why should I? When I don't need it?"

"Yeah, right. You don't need it. You don't need anything."

"Yeah, I do. One thing"

"And what's that? A packet of cigarettes?" I raised my eyebrow.

"No. I will ask if I got an opportunity," I could sense him smiling in his voice.

I laughed. "So?"

"So what?"

"What do you want?"

"I will ask on the spot."

I had a feeling that maybe I know the answer but kept quiet. "Ohkay."

"Hmmm. You'll give it?"

"You won't ask for anything I know," I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, I will. I will definitely ask now. If you are willing to give it then yes."

I sighed, "Let's see."

"You'll give it?"

"Tell me the thing"

"Now it doesn't work like-"

"Now don't say, Hayat kiss me" I finally said what I was thinking.

"..what?" he stuttered and went speechless.

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.
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*********