"Now don't say, Hayat kiss me," I finally said what I was thinking.

"..what?" he stuttered and went speechless.

I chuckled at his reaction.

"I'm fine with it by the way," he said after a minute.

"See, I told you," I laughed, "you can't be trusted in these things."

"Then just give me a kiss. Won't you?" his voice got deep.

"That means you were talking about the kiss."

"Yeah just give me that," he whispers making my stomach somersault.

That flirty Murat is back.
But I won't give in.

"There's nothing apart from that?"

"If you can give more than a kiss then most welcome."

"Men will be men," I rolled my eyes.

"Hmm. Why? You cant?"

"Why should I? And by what relation?" I argued.

"By what relation are you talking with me? Friendship, right?"

"Okay, so you want to become friends-with-benefits," I said while laughing.

"Yes, I don't think anything is better than this."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah"

"Very well," I said sarcastically.

"Why? Don't you think?" he was smiling I can tell by his voice.

"I hate it the most."

"Why?"

I paused, trying to put my thoughts into the correct words.
"You can't be sure.... I mean, you can't get into the label. You aren't just friends, neither you are a couple. You're just...hanging in the middle."

"Hmm. But no, they can move ahead in it. Become a couple."

"Oh really? They can? Oh?" I was surprised but acted double surprised with a hint of sarcasm.

"Yes"

"But that's on both of them na? If A dude wants to move ahead but B dude backs off, the A dude will be clowned."

And that A dude will be me.
Yes.
ME.

"That's why I'm saying. Have fun, taste it up, no future plans, just enjoyment for both. No one will be clowned," he explained like it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Yeah good for those who will enjoy it," I mumbled.

"Oh, you won't?"

"I don't like these things"

"And you haven't tried anything too?"

"No," I said quietly.

"Then-" he was about to say something but I cut him off.

"These things are special, which are only meant for that special one, and not giving up on anyone you see here and there."

"Ohkay. Then I'm just someone from here and there, right?"

I laughed, "Jeez."

You don't have a fucking clue what you are to me, Murat Ahmad.
But I have my boundaries.

"Okay okay-"

"I just answered...to your question about friends-with-benefits"

"Tell me one thing. If your friend is asking for something, and you can give it, then what's the big deal? That's basically fulfilling your friendship."

"A friend is a friend, and a partner is a partner. Now either become her friend or her partner. Don't play games," I said bluntly.

"I see. So these are games."

"Yep, fwb is a game."

"Acha ji (Oh really). I thought its a great thing. Thanks to you, I understood it now."

I bet he was playing with me.
I could sense his sarcasm.

"Now find someone you can have fun with. Enjoy," I shrugged.

"If I wanted to, I would have," he muttered.

"Yep, whatcha waiting for? It's a great thing right?"

"Nah. If you're talking about 'just those things', then it's not."

"Oh, now it's not?"
Switching sides hmm?

"No, I meant that yes it's great, but not in a perverted way you're saying. I don't even think about it normally."

"Ohh."
Someone is giving explanations.

"Hmm"

I sighed while doodling on the boundary of terrace I was leaning on.

Silence took over between us again.

"But if you'll give me a chance I won't even mind it," he spoke after a minute.

"These things aren't given for free. You need to become that deserving person, or reach that title," I mumbled.

"I want to say something but," he stopped in the middle of his sentence.

"Hmm?"

"You may take it in the wrong way. That's why I'm quiet."

"No. Go ahead."
Let's see what you have to say on this.

"The thing is...it's not a difficult task...to become that special one. Is it?" he asked

I cleared my throat, " To reach that stage?"

"Hmm."

"That depends on the person if he wants to take it further or not," I said nonchalantly.

"That's the thing! You said absolutely correct. I'm scared of this thing of thinking about the future."

"You...." I chuckled, feeling lost for words.
Seriously?
I shook my head.
"A person will think about the future later. The first step is being together in present. Future is next." I spoke at last.

"That's the thing."

"So if you can't even stay together in present, then the future is too ahead as a topic." I rolled my eyes.

"If you'll hold someone's hand?"

"Yeah"

"And walk while holding it-"

"Walk! You just stand still!" I cut him in between, chuckling.

"No listen to me," he said softly.

"Yea yea," I copied his tone.

"I feel like, when we talk about holding a hand, then at some point we start to think, 'no we can't break it off now, no it can't end.'
So, it just......scares me away."

I take a deep breath, and said, "Look, it's not necessary, that things will always go in your favor. Sometimes you'll have to compromise too. Sometimes you'll be happy, and also sad. However, while going through everything, you are relieved of one thing, that yes, I have you by my side. That yes, even though I have to suffer all this, I can't live without you OR you're worth it."

"That iss the thing"

"Then just say that you can't commit. Simple." I smiled.

"I just can't tolerate if a girl cries for a guy or vice versa."

I sighed while rubbing my temples. "Why would they cry for each other?"

"Why not?" his voice got high-pitched at the end. "If tomorrow by any chance you guys had to separate, won't you cry? Either girl will cry or the boy will. Both will be hurt, so what's the benefit of that?" his reply left my brain processing what to say.

He has a point though but, something is missing.

After contemplating for a few seconds I spoke, to which he listened quietly.

"Both need to have an understanding between them. Yeah, it does hurt at some point but.... at least you tried? Gave efforts? To stay together as much as possible.... Everything is dependent on effort. You can't get everything just by sitting still in your zone." I paused for a few seconds, but continued,
"Ab tum chahte ho tumhe baithe bithaye halwa bana k dedo. (Now you wanna sit and get the dessert served to you without even lifting a finger)
Oh yeah, I will just announce my decision, and my family will gladly say yes in an instant. Usually, everyone is against it in the start."

After my whole speech, all he said was,
"Let ke halwa mile, baith ke nahi"
(Nah I want it served while I am lying down)

This double-meaning guy will be my end.

"Of course, you're lazier, dessert while laying huh," I chuckled while shaking my head. After a few seconds, I spoke again, giving my conclusion, "yeah.... So, it doesn't work like that, getting reward with zero effort."

"Did you get his message?" he said to someone else in the background in loud voice, going further from the speaker.
"Hmmm. Phir kese hota hai?"
(Hmmm. Then how does it work?)
His voice switched back to a soft and deep version, signaling he was back to me.

"How-work-what?" I stuttered, as his change in voice did something weird to my heart.

"Yaar, I can't do all these things that.....," his voice fades away as he keeps mumbling.

"If someone commits, it's not a burden for them. The efforts come from the heart. That yes we will make it till the end."

"That's the thing. It doesn't even start and people jump to the end," he scoffed.

"Arey! What the-! I just answered your question," I huffed.

He mumbles something but I didn't listen to him.

"It's a simple thing. One day your future will be your present, and your present will be your past. If you'll just focus on the present, your past, and future, both would be sorted out."
I tried to sound logical, which I was, I know. But it felt like a tongue twister.

"Suno meri baat. Main ab tumhe keh deta hu main tumhe pasand karta hu. Thik hai?"
(Listen to me. I'll now say I like you. Okay?)

My voice got stuck in my throat as he said those words. I know he said them hypothetically but still....
This heart doesn't know the difference between a hypothetical situation and a real-life situation.

"Hmm??" his voice forced me to say something.

"Go on," I muttered.

"Hmm, so we got together. We got attached. But then something happened, which led to the breakup. Because some stories may end in a month, a year, or 10 years, while some don't even end."

"Hmm," I nodded as if he was watching me.

Silly me.

"Some fall in love, get married, but divorce as well. Right?" he asked softly.

"Hmm."

"Some get engaged, but break it off, while some couldn't even reach the engagement stage. It happens because maybe they don't like a few habits of each other or something."

"That's what I said. Everyone has flaws, no one's perfect. These things build on compromise. You won't find a perfect human being without any flaw."

"Hmm yeah I know I won't find a perfect human being."

"Yeah so?"

"It was just an example of a breakup. But then again, what's the benefit?"

I sighed deeply and said, "Exactly. We are coming to the same conclusion again and again i.e., what's the benefit? You're better off single, alone forever. Go away, shoo." I hushed him away.

I hide my face in my knees as I was sitting on the chair, hugging myself.

"Hmm. Now I'm talking about your benefit and you're saying no." He mumbled, grabbing my attention.

"My benefit?" I asked while processing what he was referring to.

"Our benefit."

"Ohh" It finally clicked.
Friends-with-benefits.
Back to square one.

"Hmmm"

"I don't want this benefit," I looked up, noticing the stars in the dark sky.

A wave of brief silence crossed between us.

But it was a comfortable silence.
Just like I used to have with him before.

"So, what do we do now?" he spoke after a minute.

"Nothing. Just go and sleep, and let me sleep too," I laughed.

"Ye bohot badi... Bohot badi samasya hai," he muttered.
(It's a complicated....a very complicated thing)

"Yeah it's a very complicated thing," I shook my head.

"You're not able to live today by thinking about tomorrow."

"Why do you think about tomorrow?" I stretched myself lazily.

"Because anything can happen tomorrow."

"Idiot, tomorrow is in the hands of Almighty."

"But I don't like this crybaby thing na. That's the whole point."

"Why would you cry?" I chuckled.

"Either you do it, or me, it's the same thing."

"And why would I cry? Do you take me as an idiot?" I smiled.

"No. You may cry because of attachment. Maybe you'll get attached more than me. Or I'll get attached more than you. Anything can happen. I've seen how the world works."

"Yeah, I know anything can happen. Wait mum is calling me, stay on hold." I answered the call, putting him on hold.

"Yes?"
"Come downstairs, I have some work," mum said.
"Okay, coming."
I cut her call and saw the time.

It's already an hour?
Wow

"Hello?"

"Hmm," his voice echoed in my ear.

"Umm...I need to go."

"Where?"

"Mum is calling me downstairs. For some work."

"Oh. Ok ok."

"Yeah. Talk to you later."

"Hmm sure."

.
.
.

*******

I was busy in the kitchen with mum, cooking the side dish for dinner.

Suddenly my phone vibrated, indicating a new SMS.

"Must be airtel," I muttered and washed my hands.

"Hayat, it's almost cooked, just keep an eye on it. I have switched the gas to low flame," Mum said while going out of the kitchen.

"Okay," I absorbed the water from my hands with a towel, peeking into my phone on the table.

Red Nose
'call?'

My eyes widened.
It hasn't been two hours since we last talked and he texted?
Again?
Asking for a call?

'No. Busy in kitchen' I replied and was about to keep the phone in my pocket when it pinged again.

'How much time will it take?'

I eyed his message suspiciously.
What is wrong with this guy?

'idk maybe 15 mins?'

'okay. I'm waiting'

I shook my head squeezing my eyes and got back to work.

.
.
.

*************