"Just ask anything you want from me," he murmured.

I closed my eyes.
I feel stupid for even thinking about it. Because I just wish...
I just wish I can ask him what I want.

That I want him to be mine.

"Kya hua? Badi gum-sum si ho," he mumbled again when received silence from me. (What happened? You seem so quiet.)

"No. It's nothing like that."

"Then?"

"What were you asking in text by the way?" I tried to change the topic, but little did I knew it's the same track.

Because I forgot what did he asked in the text!

"What?"

"You asked something."

"I don't remember it. Tell me."

"I don't remember either. All I remember is you said 'answer honestly'."

"Okay. Let me re-read it."

I shivered as the chilly wind passed by, "It's windy tonight."

"Yeah, I'm in-between chilly winds too," he murmured surprising me, as I thought he wouldn't be listening to my muttering. "Yeah I was asking that, what does your heart wants?"

"Achha," I went out of words.

"Hmm."

"Hmm. Now what should I say?" I muttered.

"Whatever you want. Just like I told you clearly. How more specific can I be?" His voice deepens.

"Yeah I know." I looked down in my lap.

"So, you have given permission for everything then?" He murmured.

"Wait what? I never said that." My face jolted right up by his question.

"Then? How will I get that?"

"I won't give in just like that," I scoffed.

"Then how?" His voice softens.

"You know the answer." I rolled my eyes.

"You tell me."

"There's a limit... to this physical stuff too, you know?" I stutter.
His questions were making me speechless.

"What limit?"

"Why are you acting so unaware like you don't know anything?" I adjusted my earphones.

"Nope, maybe our thoughts are different. Dont take it negatively."

"Achha."

"Yeah. So?"

I kept silent, busy in processing words.

"Speak. I'm freezing here," his voice broke my thoughts.

"Im freezing too." I took a moment to collect words and frame them into one sentence. "I have only given permission for a kiss."

"Okay and?"

"That's it."

"Okay. So... The rest depends on the flow right?" he chuckled.

"Nooo," I laughed sitting up straight.

"They are your words."

"But I meant....on just kiss." I whispered the last word.
It was my first time talking about intimacy with a guy so openly. It's not like I haven't had dirty talks before, but here, we were actually discussing it to make it happen.

In two days.

"Ohh. You didn't meant anything further." Disappointed was clearly visible through his voice.

"Nope." I shake my head as if he can see me through our audio call.

"Why?"

"I'm not coming to lose my virginity Mister." I scoffed.

"I see. How smart of you huh?"

"What?"

"First you said flow-flow."

"So you meant this by flow? Full complete?" I asked suprisingly.

"Nope"

"Then?"

"I meant something more."

"Define your 'something more'. Now I wanna know your 'something more'." I crossed my legs.

"Anything. It can be a big thing or a small thing," he chuckled.

"Then stay on small thing."

"Why not big?" he murmured.

"Why would you go on big thing?"

"How will I get that?" he asked.

Our coded language was making me laugh but his question made me speechless.
Is he serious right now? Or just joking around?

"Now don't say I want moon and stars," he spoke again.

I scoffed, "I dont even want moon and stars."

"Then what do you want?"

I sighed. "Now if I will say, you'll be like 'hayat! Here you go again!' etc etc."

"Okay okay okay, say what's in your mind? Tell me."

"If tomorrow by any chance you'll vanish again after doing everything with me, what will I be left with? I would be empty handed," I shrugged.

"No it's not like that."

"It is."

"Tumhe sath hi to chahiye."
(You just want to be with me, right?)

"Esa saath nahi chahiye mujhe."
(Not like this.)

"Tumhe sath hi to chahiye. Ki haa hum....ek sath rahen...jab tak bhi.. Yahi to tumhe chahiye."
(You just want to stay together with me na? That yeah we are...together....as long as we can. That's what you want right?)

"You mean.... 'together' together?" I pressed the word.

"Yeah"

"Oh?" My mind froze for a second. "Since when did you start to like this policy of mine?" I was puzzled by his words.

"I was never against it."

"Huh?" With furrowed eyebrows I was sitting on the chair on terrace, hugging my legs.

"I am aware of it. When I said all those things, I was trying to make you understand things maturely with no toxicity. A disclaimer for a healthy and mature relationship with no stupidity. I know which step is taken when." He just answered all my worries.

So we are actually going somewhere.
And its not a fwb thing
Phew~

"So if you know already then why are you asking about it?" I murmured.

"Maybe if you're ready for it?" He murmured back.

"No sorry, I can't do that much."

"How much?"

"I can't give in completely. For that I want....a written consent. Signed. By. Both of us." I pressed every word with clear voice.

"Oh, oh, oh."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I copied his tone.

"And if it happened?" he was referring to spicy stuff but I misunderstood as marriage.

"Then what? Good thing lol"

"No I mean, what if we lost control in the flow?"

"I'm not that girl who will get so intoxicated that she wouldn't know what is she doing," I laughed.

"No but what if?"

"It won't." I answered firmly.

"Why?"

"Are you planning to?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Nope," he chuckled.

"Then?"

"I'm just asking you a question."

"Answer is Nope."

"But seriously. Some people get so immersed in the process and they don't even realize it."

"Uhuh. It's not a movie. Neither we will drink wine lol."

"Yeah, and that's also a different thing if you have made up your mind....," his voice trailed off.

"Yeah I have made up my mind that I don't wanna lose my virginity yet. And this applies with everyone."

"I see. So you just ended the topic." He muttered.

"Yep. But if you still wanna do it, then you know my conditions. Periodt."

"What conditions?"

"I just told you." I said disbelievingly.

"What? Say it again."

Is he drunk? Or lost in daydreaming LMAO

"In crystal clear words I'm saying this time. Marriage, Okay?"

"Okay got it."

But he kept on asking the same question 'what if?' again and again just to annoy me because I could feel him smiling in his voice the whole time.

"If happened?"
"It won't."
"If happened?"
"It won't. You'll see."
"If happened?"
"Then what should I do?!?!" I laughed at last.
"Give in." He chuckles.

He kept joking, annoying me, teasing me, as I kept laughing and shaking my head at him.

"I'm so done with you. Did you just wanted to talk about this? That's why you called me?" I shook my head while laughing.

"Noo."

"Then?"

"I just wanted to ask about the plan."

"Hmm. Okay.'

"Badi tez ho." I felt him smirk in by his voice. (You're very clever)

"Me?" I chuckled.

"Baate ghumana bohot aata hai tumhe."
(You're great at twisting words and topics.)

"Hah! Tumse hi seekha hai." I flipped my hair.
(Hah! I learned it from you.)

"Oho. Meri billi mujhko meow?" His widening smirk was noticable through the voice.
(Aww. My own cat meows at me?)

I laughed at his use of idiom.
Your billi?
Your cat?
Your puss-
SHUTUP HAYAT

"When will you go downstairs?"

"In a few minutes." I muttered.

"Hmm. You're alone?"

"Yea."

Who in their sane mind will come up on terrace at 10pm in the month of December in chilly winds.
Except us.
(Kon pagal barfeeli hawa mein raat ke 10 baje chat par ayega.
Humare alawa)

"Say something." He murmured after few seconds of silence.

"What?"

"Ab tum bolo. Meri baat to tumhe buri lag rahi hai."
(Anything you wish. You aren't liking my choice of topics anyways.)

"Tumhari baat kab buri lagi?"
(When did I said that?)

"Buri nahi. Tumhe lag raha hai bas vahi baat karne ke liye call kari. Is vajah se."
(I mean you think that I called you just for that. That's why.)

"Achhaaa." (Ohhhh)

"Jiii." (Yeahh)

"Why do you take everything so seriously?" I sigh while leaning back on the chair.

"Because you just straight away said NO to it. So its not a joke."

"When you are just repeating one thing again and again, which will not happen, wont I get irritated?" I sit up straight again.

"Will it happen or not?" He softly repeats his question again.

"Nope"

"Why?"

"Because I don't wanna do it."

"Oh you don't want it."

"Yes"

"Fine. No pressure." His voice sounded as if he shrugged his shoulders.

"Yep"

"But what if?"

I laughed.

"Then what will you do?" He was laughing too.

"Tumhara kuch nahi ho sakta"
(You are unbelievable.)

"Just answer my question."

"Why taking stress about something which won't happen?"

"If. It. Happens. What. Will. You. Do. Answer me this." He pressed every word.

"To tumhare gale padh jaungi phir main." I blurted out. (Then you're stuck with me.)

"Stuck as in?" I felt as if he raised his eyebrow this time.

"Hmmm. As in... By the way nothing is gonna happen so I'm just answering your hypothetical question."

"Yea yea. Stuck as in...I wont leave you?" He completed my sentence.

"Yea."

"Yea... But still?"

"Muraatt," I whined falling back into the chair.

"Chill. I'm just messing with you. Anyways, change the topic." He chuckled as his voice relaxed.

.
.
.

Our convo switched from one topic to other, talking about food, our meetup, and his lame jokes.

"Its getting so cold," his voice shivered.

"Yeah. Are you still on terrace?"

"Hmm. Will I talk with you in front of my family? Or friends?" He questioned.

"But aamir is sometimes around you while we're on call."

"Still. I can't talk about everything. We gotta stay decent and modest."

"Oh. You modest? In front of him?" I chuckled.
Murat ahmad being modest.
Looks like he loses all his modesty when it comes to me.

"Why not? I can't tell him who am I meeting, and especially where am I meeting."

"Oh? So you don't share anything?"

"Nah. Nothing like this."

"I see. So back then, when I asked, 'do you guys not share anything between yourself?', you replied, 'we boys just share main points' ."
By back then I meant before our cut off.

"Hmmm."

"So what did you meant by main points?"

"Main points as in...." He trailed off wondering how to explain.

"Like we are meeting now. So what would you tell?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all?" I was surprised by his answer.
Girls are so opposite in this case lol.

"Nope. This doesn't comes in main points."

"Then what comes in?"

"We usually just talk about work."

"And nothing about personal life?"

"No. But yes, in a way. Like they ask questions if I'm talking on call, and nowadays its you. So yeah they know we are talking. That's it. That's our main point. What are we talking about? Or if we are planning to meet? They don't know any of that." He explained.

"Nowadays its me. I see."
'And other days?' I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah because usually I'm busy with work. Doesn't talk with anyone, specially on call, apart from work basis. And I'm with them almost 24/7 because we work together. So yeah, they notice."

"Oh I see."
'Other days it's his laptop he is romancing with,' my subconscious answered me.

"I'm shivering now." His voice shivered again.

"Achha."

"I'm freezed at one spot. Cant even move right now, its so cold." He muttered.

"Walk around. It will warm up the body." I snuggle in chair, hugging my legs.

"Mar jaunga main itni thand lag rahi hai" (Looks like I will die soon) he mumbled.

His exaggeration made me laugh, "then go downstairs."

"Yeah I will in few minutes. I was tensed because of work, so decided to call you to divert my mind."

Awwe.
That was so sweet.
It felt like we jumped back into February.
"Oh. So you'll get back to work again after going downstairs?"

"Yeah I will get busy. Dont know if I will come online tonight or not."

"Achha." (Ohh)
It was 10pm, and he was still looking forward to talk on text before sleeping?

My my.

.
.
.

*********