I kept switching sides waiting for sleep to consume me but in vain. I stare up at the ceiling for straight 2 minutes and then at my phone.

1:53 AM

I sigh and cover my face with the warm blanket closing my eyes.

He is making me feel all sorts of things I have never felt before. Everytime I close my eyes his face flashes in front of me. I just can't seem to stop imagining his lips moulded in mine.

I wonder how will it feel in reality?
Just by thinking about him close to me is giving me tingling sensations.
What will he taste like?
What will his touch feel like?

Oh, these butterflies in my stomach aren't stopping!

I'm trying so hard not to squeal at this hour of the night.

Right now...
All I want is to snuggle in his neck,
Look into his eyes,
And let him kiss me like there's no tomorrow.

What if our kiss turned into a makeout?
What if he gave me a hickey?

Ughhh!
His words aren't going from my mind.

You even snatched my sleep Muraat!

I huff and went out in kitchen to drink some water. It was a pitch black foggy night, even the kitchen was chilly and the water felt like ice. I stared up outside the window for a few minutes looking into nowhere, when the chilly wind hit my face. I closed the window and went back into my warm blanket.

This night seems so long.

I let my mind loose because holding it up wouldn't help either, so it ran in all directions and soon enough I slept with his thoughts all over my mind, hoping I would meet him in my dreams.

.
.
.

The next morning went full of giddy sensation somewhere in my stomach. I was reminding myself again and again not to zone out in between the chores as mum will surely beat me up if I spoiled up.

Just kidding

But yeah, I won't be spared verbally.

After getting free I decided to watch my comfort show Love 020.
It had two reasons.
One: I wanted to divert my mind from him.
Two: It has been soo long since I drooled over my Xiao Nai.

I skipped over to episode 10 as its my favorite one where they both meet each other for the first time.

Why does it sound familiar?
Not getting there Hayat.
Focus on the show.

Nostalgia hits over me as the familiar OST rings in my ears.
Dayum
I missed this so much.

I skipped over to few more beloved episodes of mine and soon it was evening.

6:33 PM

I lay down closing my eyes with thoughts filled with Xiao Nai.

His personality is so cool!

And Oh! Don't get me started with his formal attires. The way his jaw clenches when he is fully focused in coding. His never ending passion for his work. The way he tackles the challenges that comes while starting up his own business. Never giving up on his dreams, and what not!

His smile is indeed breathtaking. Only his close ones know his soft side while the rest gets to see his silence and cold shoulder.

How to get a man like XIAO NAI!?
A workaholic man who melts when it comes to you?!

I was smiling while snuggling in the pillow when a flashback hits in.

.
.

"Tell me about your dreams," Murat asked me as I was laying with pillows while having video call with him.

"My dream?" I mumbled.

"Yeah. What do you dream of doing in life?" He was laying on a pillow too.

"I want to go to space," I answered dreamily.

"I mean," he chucked, "which is possible."

"Oh," I laughed. "Well, I want to earn money, stand on my feet, and become independent."

"What work?" His curiosity peaks up.

"Anything. I don't have anything in mind right now. Maybe become a teacher or something else?" I roamed my hands in the air.

"Ohh." He replied with a slow nod.

"Yeah. What's your dream?" I lay on my stomach with my right arm under my chin as I was grabbing the phone with my left hand.

"I want to build my own empire. Start a business." His eyes sparkle up.

"Ohhh. Mr. CEO." I said with a smirk.

"Yes." He smiled.

I chucked. "What kind of business?"

"Well, its not decided yet. Maybe clothing? Or something else. Lets see." He shrugged.

"Good luck with that." I show my thumbs up to the screen that was displaying his face.

"Yep. Thankyou." He gave a nod.

.
.

I open my eyes with a feeling of Deja Vu. The memory was of mid February, when we were getting to know each other and he used to work in that company.

But what's with this Deja Vu?

Uh oh

Coder
Workaholic
Sharp minded
Handsome
Starting his own business
Pursuing his talent
Cold outside but a honeycomb inside.
Prefers to talk less but is a great listener.

Wait a freaking minute.

Are we talking about Xiao Nai or Murat?
Don't tell me I actually met my own Xiao Nai??

I sit up straight as the reality starts to sink.
Ohmygod!
I covered my mouth as it wasn't ready to get close.

.....and we met online!

What the actual heck is going on?
Is this for real??!!!
I met the replica of my fictional character crush who is soon to be my boyfriend?

Soon to be?

He is already your boyfriend Hayat.
Or not?

But you guys are going out on a date!
Ahemm. Correction needed.
Going in*

Date
My first date

I crash back on the pillows covering my face with both hands.

.
.
.

"So, what's up?" His voice rings in my ears as I was walking on the terrace.

"Nothing much. Just walking on the terrace."

"With Zoe?"

"Nah. Alone. And you?"

"I'm out. Needed to buy some stuff."

"Ohh. How's work?"

"Yeah, it's fine. Currently working on a project which I need to submit on the 9th," he yawned.

"This coming 9th?"

"Yeah. There's a meeting in the morning."

"And... what about... us?"

"Yes, I will come if everything went according to plan."

"And what's that plan?"

"Submitting the work on time and wrapping up the meeting before noon."

"And if the meeting lasted for longer..." I trailed off, not able to complete the sentence. 

"...yeah, it's difficult then," he mumbled.

"Oh."

"I was busy the whole day in that project. That's why I couldn't even reply to your texts. Just saw them and decided to call you instead." He explained.

"Oh. It's alright. How are you?" 

"I'm fine. Just tired." 

"Yeah, it's visible through your voice."

"What should I call it? Your observing skills or superpower?"

"Love instincts?" I joked to light up his mood and it worked, because next second I could hear his warm heart-melting chuckle from the other side. "Just joking." I laughed back.

"Hmm. Anyways. I'm home now. Will talk to you later. Okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Take care."

"You too," he hung up. 

I put the phone in my pocket and stare up at the stars as my heart began to sink in. There's a slight possibility we won't meet day after tomorrow. But still, let's hope for the best. 
First my sleep vanished because we were meeting. Now looks like it will vanish again because we may not meet. 

Sukoon nahi hai zindagi mein
(no peace in life)

.
.
.

8th December 2021

It was 1 PM. 

I texted Zoe if she can come up at terrace to enjoy the warm sunlight with me. I closed my eyes and felt the warm sun rays on my eyelids while ruffling my wet hair with the towel.

Warm bath in winter afternoons are bliss.

Few minutes later Zoe joined me, ranting about her hectic morning. I nodded throughout the conversation, listening to her quietly. I've some great listening skills and comfortable aura that let people open up without feeling embarrassed, but today the reason behind my quiet nature was something else, and Zoe noticed it by her great observing skills. 

She is my sister after all.

"Hey, what's up with you?" she eyed me.

"Hmm," I looked up at her, pressing my lips. "Nothing," I gave a small smile.

"Did the plan get cancelled?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. "I don't know honestly," I sighed.

"Why? Wasn't he super excited to kiss you?" she said sarcastically.

I laughed at her commentary. "Yes, he still is. But..."

"But?"

I took a deep breath and explained, "He is currently working on a project which he needs to submit tonight and will be having a meeting tomorrow morning. So, if the meeting wraps up before noon, he will come. If not, he won't."

"And the chances are...?"

"Low."

"Of coming?"

"Yes."

We both sighed.

"When did you guys last talk?"

"Just a few minutes back, when I texted you."

"Hmm. Call?"

"Yeah, I called him," I nodded. "He sounded exhausted, barely slept."

"Poor guy."

"Let's see when we're meant to meet. If it's tomorrow or..." I took a deep breath, forcing the words out of my vocal cords, "...later."

"You will, Cousin," she patted my arm, "don't worry," and gave a reassuring smile. "At least he is making efforts and keeping you updated this time, that's a green flag."

"Yeah, he is... He said that yes, he is serious about us," I was struggling with words. "And it's not a friends-with-benefits thing. So, this thing is going somewhere. That yeah, we are a thing." I whispered the last sentence while fiddling with my towel.

"Someone is having red cheeks. I wonder if it's because of the warm afternoon or blushing?" Zoe eyed me.

"It's the warm afternoon," I tried not to smile but failed miserably.

"Yeah, yeah," she cleared her throat. "So, what does your Murat Ahmad actually do? Meetings, projects, Uff." The way she said 'your Murat,' it did something to my heart.

"He is a freelance digital marketer, so he gets clients. It's more like a business. In simple words, he makes websites for them, handles it, and does all the coding and marketing stuff."

"Ohhh. Sounds... posh?" she said with a straight face, making me laugh with her.

She certainly knows how to make me laugh. 

.
.

*********