"Hello," Jaylene's soft voice rings in my ear as I snuggled in between the cushions. It's been a while since we had our catch up. 

"Hmm, what's up?" 

"Just got free from work. What about you?"

"Just lazy-ing around." I stretched myself.

"Everything's fine?" She asked with a concerned voice.

"Yeah great. Just bored." I mumbled.

"What else do you have to do anyways," her concerned tone was instantly replaced with duh tone.

"Excuse me! I'm on a break right now. These days have been pretty hectic due to exams."

"Online exams," she corrects me.

"Whatever."

She chuckles at my dramatic response. "How's he?"

"Yeah he is fine. Pretty busy nowadays." I roam my hand in air admiring my fingers.

"You guys dont talk?"

"Not much. I mean yeah we do at night on text. Sometimes short conversation, sometimes long. It's been a while since we had a conversation on call though."

"I see."

"Yep."

"As far as I think you must be the one always initiating the conversation."

"What do you mean?" I chuckle at her observation. "He replies lol."

"Exactly. He replies. He doesn't texts you first. Does he?"

"Umm I have never noticed that." I mumble with unsure-ity.

"Recall and tell me then, how often does he text you."

"Once I guess? Or twice, yes. Otherwise it's mostly me texting him to poke him lol."

"Exactly. Why would he feel the need to contact you when you are already available all the time?"

"Umm. What do you want to say jaylene?" I sit up straight with furrowed eyebrows.

"I know you guys are head over heels for each other, but right now I feel like you are being too available to him. It's like he doesn't miss you or cares for you."

"No Jaylene. He used to text me all the time asking for calls and stuff. But nowadays he is busy with a project, that's why I keep a check on him. Also, he is not that talkative. Except few times ofcourse." I chuckled at last line.

"Hayat. You are not understanding my point here. All I want to say is, don't be too available for anyone, otherwise they will take you for granted."

"So you think I'm too available." I mumble.

"Yeah. I know you like him a lot but, don't get too attached again like last time."

"Hmmm. So... what should I do now?" I fiddle with my fingers.

"Dont text him first. Check if it affects him or not. Check if he reaches out to you or not."

"And if he didn't because he is busy?"

"No one is that busy hayat."

My heart drops at her words.
"I don't really care about who texts first, you know?" I shrugged.

"I know that. But a relationship should be balanced."

"It is balanced. I know that vibecheck when we talk. He cares."

"Then test him."

"By not texting him."

"Yes. See if he really cares. Why its always be you reaching out? Why not him? No one is that busy for the person we love."

"Hmm. Okay," I forced words out of my mouth, "I wont."

"Its hard I know. I have been there too. That's why I'm advising you. Whatever you guys have must be mutual."

"It is mutual jaylene."

"Then let him reach out this time. Let's see if he notices your absence or not."

"Okay," I sigh with a heavy heart.

"I don't have any problem if he treats you well. I just want you to be happy and well treated."

"Hmm. Thank you for not hating him unreasonably." Unlike some people...

"I'm not an idiot." She chuckles. "But guys sucks sometimes."

"Yeah. Sometimes they do." I chuckled back.

After our call ended, I snuggled back in the cushions and stared at the wall.

Part of me was restless because I couldn't make understand Jaylene what our relationship was like. She was judging him from the general perspective. She doesn't know the background situation like I do. She doesn't know his nature like I do.

But I dont want to defend him too much as it will look like I'm blind in love.
Or maybe I am?
Maybe I'm too available?
Maybe he doesn't really cares for me anymore?
Maybe he got bore of me.
My heart clenches at the possibility of losing him again.

But maybe jaylene is right.
Time to test Murat Ahmad.
If he notices my absence or not.
If he reaches out or not.

If I'm so confident that our thing is mutual, then why am I scared to test it?
'Because every coin has two sides, and you are afraid of the second side,' my subconscious mind answered me.

The outcome where he doesn't reach you, or miss you.
Heck!
Where he doesn't even notice your absence!

Maybe jaylene is right.
Maybe he doesn't care.
Or maybe he even gets irritated by my messages.

Tears roll down from my cheeks as negative thoughts start to rule my mind.
Am I that clingy?
Will no one ever want me back?
Will no one ever miss me?
I wipe my tears and calm my breath, trying to push away the negativity that was crawling inside my mind.

I cant jump to conclusions.
Not yet.
I don't have any proof.
Lets wait till tomorrow.
I haven't texted him today, and I won't until he texts first.
Let's see if this is just my overthinking or truth.
Let's see if he will really notice my absence in his life.

.
.
.

It was hard.
Not texting him at all.
What kind of drug is this?

Jeez!

It was already past 11 at night and there was no sign of him. My heart starts to get restless as I laid down after a long hectic day in my warm blanket. To divert my mind I tried to keep myself busy today, but now as I was completely free, thoughts were all over my mind. My brain was already blaming me for getting into this mess again, when my phone vibrated.

GoneWithTheWind🍂
'Hii?'

Tears rolled down on my cheeks as I picked up my phone, watching his text.
He passed the test.

'Hi' I texted him back.

'What's up?'

'Nothing much'

'Are you okay?'

I sobbed quietly as he asked with concern.
'Yea. Why?'

'You didn't texted today, like you use to normally.'

'Oh.'
He noticed my absence!

'So I thought maybe your mood is off or something happened?'

'No. I thought maybe you are busy. So I preferred not to disturb you.'

'😒 There's nothing like that. I don't open my inbox until I'm free. Then how would I be disturbed?' he replied.

'So... do you wait for my silly texts?' I typed down hesitantly.

'They aren't silly first of all. And I enjoy them.'

Another tear rolled down my cheek as I gazed into the screen.

'You are an idiot,' he texted.

'Maybe.'

'Yea. I reply whenever I get free. And sometimes, I read your message and am about to reply, but suddenly some work pops up and my mind gets diverted, hence it goes on seen.'

'Oh.' Deja vu hits me at his explanation.

'Yeah, that's why you must have noticed I sometimes reply quickly, and sometimes late.'

'Yea.'

'Yea. Don't overthink too much. You can text whenever you want to.'

'Ohkay. I will.'
I wiped my tears and my heart rejoices.
He does care about me afterall.
It's not one-sided jaylene.
I was right!

.
.
.

Human beings are made of patterns. Once you get a frame of it, that human being is unlocked.

My hands roamed around in air aimlessly as I was laying in between a cluster of cushions and pillows, lost in thoughts.

He has been very talkative lately. 
And open. 
Especially the way he tells me about his life, his work, as if updating me where I left from.

You know, I like when someone tells me about their routine. It helps me in understanding the person and situation better. It's kind of a love language to me, telling the other person what's keeping them busy, as if making them a part of your life.

When he explained his background situation last night, I got a Deja Vu, as if it has happened before too. After lots of trying and recalling, I finally remembered it.

It was about the time when we met in February and he used to leave my messages on seen, resulting in me confronting him about it.

.
.

"Achha ek baat batao," I said as we were talking on call.
(Tell me one thing)

"Ji," his voice melts in my ear.
(Yes)

"Messages seen par chodhne me maza aata hai? Ya ignore karne me?"
(Is it fun? Leaving messages on seen, or ignoring a person?)

"Use ignore karna nahi kehte"
(It's not ignoring.)

"Oh really? Then what does leaving messages on seen means?" I asked sarcastically.

"See, what happens is," his voice drops down to a deeper and lower version, flipping my stomach, "let's say I'm supervising the store right now. My phone vibrates indicating a new text message from you. I took out the phone from my pocket to check and read your message, okay? Now, in the meantime my manager calls me, or any customer comes up, hence I quickly put my phone back to attend the given situation."

"Achha"
(Oh)

"Ab yaha kya hua? Message pura padha bhi nahi, ya padhlia or jawab nahi de paya, lekin seen pe chala gaya. Ab batao main yaha ignore kar raha hu?"
(Now what happened here? I couldn't even read your message properly, or reply to it, but it went on seen. Now tell me was I ignoring you?)

"Hmm, nahi."
(Hmm, no.)

"Ye hota hai mere sath. Isliye kabhi foran reply aajata hai tumhare pas or kabhi aata nahi."
(That's what happens with me. That is why sometimes you instantly get a reply and sometimes you don't.)

"Hmm"

"Agar ignore karta to call kyu karta free hokar?"
(If I would have been ignoring you, why would I call you in the first place after getting free from work?)

"Point." I tap my chin with my index finger.

"Ji. Isliye main voicenotes se baat karta hu kabhi kabhi. Type krne ka mauka nahi milta."
(Yes. That's why I sometimes send voicenotes because I don't get enough time for typing.)

"Yeah," I smile because I love receiving his voicenotes.

.
.

Smile forms on my lips as a distant memory hits me.

Good old days.
When we used to talk everyday on call.

He has been pretty busy lately, which I don't mind because I know his background situation.
Regular and minor updates feel great, but I think we should not depend on explanations for each and every step.
Sometimes, you just want the other person to understand it themselves.
Sometimes you just want someone to know you so well, that they can quickly analyze what must be the reason behind this action.
Be it emotional, logical, or rational.

Some people are like an open book, like a romantic comedy novel, easy to read. They talk and show everything openly. You don't need to do much work to understand them.

But some people are like a mystery book, which drops only a few hints. You need to observe the pattern to unlock the true treasure hidden underneath them.

And he is my mystery book. 

A mystery book that doesn't repeat its hints, and you need to remember them to understand the story better. You gotta join dots, to make a full picture. You are just given a brief disclaimer, and the rest depends on how well you follow it.
A mystery book you won't understand unless you read his actions, observe his pattern and join the dots with the disclaimer given.

Observation
That's how you understand an introverted workaholic.

A very bad combination I know.
But I'm already in love with this combo, and I wanna solve this mystery.
Dwell deep into his mind and understand him better.
To treat him better.
To love him better.

But some people don't understand this, or misinterpret it, just like Jaylene did. Or maybe she was just looking out for me, in case I don't get hurt. I understand where her concern is coming from though. But all is well now. And I'm at peace with my current situation.

I'm finally in a relationship which is based on mutual feelings, and isn't one-sided.

.
.
.

**********