"Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered."

  - Wes Angelozzi   

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"I..." My eyes were fixed on the table while fiddling with fingers, "I want to say something." I mumbled as we were having a video-call. 

"Hmm?"

I licked my lips and tucked my hair strands behind my ears while sitting straight. "I..." I tried so hard to control the blushy smile on my face.
Gosh this is so cringy

"I want to thank you." I finally muttered out the words looking at him.

"For?" He raised his eyebrow in question with a hint of smile on his face. He must have noticed my changed demeanor.

"For everything, basically." My hands were speaking with my tongue. I have noticed this habit in myself, whenever I get nervous or excited, my hands speak their own language, twisting and turning with every word I say.

He tilt his head, clearly confused.

"I have always wanted a career, and because of you this dream of earning is finally coming true. So thankyou for tolerating me with patience on every mistake I make or whenever I eat your brain."

He leans back on his chair with a smile.

"Not just career, its everything. Be it us, this dreamy love story I'm living in," I chuckled, "or being my mentor, or a friend who understands me, or just..." I raise my shoulders, my throat getting heavy, and release them down, "...everything."

He looked down and chuckled softly then looked up at me.
Did he just blush?

"Just for being in my life basically." I shrugged.

He puts his arm on his table and leans in the camera, "Tum pagal ho." (You're idiot.)

'For you, yes.' My heart jumped silently.

BUT HEY! HE DID BLUSHED.
He always says this phrase 'tum pagal ho' whenever he runs out of words.

I chuckled and covered my face with palms.
Gosh I did it.
But how do I stop blushing now!!!

I run my hands over my hair, running fingers to set them back properly. "Anyways," I tried to brush away the tension I just created between us (and STOP smiling). "What's up?" I picked up the sticky notes and started doodling on them with a pen.

When I received no response, I looked up and found him leaning back on his chair with elbow on arm rest, face resting on the back of his hand and pinky finger slightly touching his lips.

All of this posture while wearing a white turtle neck sweater and staring at me with those eyes.

Those lazy and seductive eyes.

Warmness spread between my thighs and I shift in my chair.
Getting hold of myself, I waved the pen in my hand at him, "Janab?"

He just blinked and smiled in return which didn't help in calming my already throbbing heart.
"Just pray we get more and more clients," that statue finally moved in front of me.

"Ameen summa ameen."

"Then save up and buy a new phone of your choice next month."

My face lights up as he mentions another dream that I want to accomplish.
Buying new phone from my own money.

"Yes yes yes." I excitedly replied. 

Even though my phone is great, but it's from parents' money right?

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Smile crept along my face as I chopped the veggies for lunch.

The happiness of getting payment is soooo satisfying. Every hard work you put into seems so pleasurable, as if it was worth all the trouble.

And I'm loving it.

I'm willing to handle the pressure if this is how I will feel every time after getting paid abundantly.
What a drug it is lol.
No wonder people get addicted to earning money. It becomes the source of their dopamine.

I washed my hands and handed over the chopped veggies to Mum as she was handling the main cooking process.
I'm just her assistant.
Just like his.

I really fit into the role of an assistant I think.

I chuckled to myself, picking up the phone to text him and asked his whereabouts but his replies seemed a little off.

'Kya hua? Sab thik?'
(what happened? Everything okay?)

'Ha bas thoda pareshan hu. Badme baat karta hu.' He replied.
(Yeah just a little tensed. I will talk to you later.)

'Okay sure, no problem. Take care.'
I prayed internally for him and got back to cooking with mum.

Soon it was almost lunch time and I set the table with mum.

"You guys start I'm coming in a minute," Mum called from the kitchen so Papa and I started our lunch.

Suddenly my phone pinged and I knew who it was because of a different ringtone.

I checked the message and it was,
'Tum sochti hongi kis chutiya ke chakkar me padh gayi'
(You must have thought sometimes, 'what a stupid am I stuck with')

'Esa kuch nahi hai. Jab insan tensed hota hai to kisi se baat krne ka dil nahi karta.'
(it's nothing like that. When a person is tensed, it's normal to avoid interacting with people.)

I thought to reply him and go offline because he rarely stays online, but welp!
He was online
And in a flirty mood.

He replied instantly, 'Achha'. (I see)

'Tum bawle ho'
(You are crazy)
I texted back and was about to switch off the screen when his text came.

'Aur tum kya ho?
Sexy'
(And what are you?
Sexy)

I almost choked on my bite and Papa looked at me.

'Mujhe sukoon se khana khane do.'
(Let me have my food in peace)

'Aur humari bhook ka kya?'
(And what about my appetite?)

'Tum bhi khana kha lo. Kisne roka hai.'
(Go and eat something. Who stopped you?)

'Par mujhe to tumhe khane ka man hai.'
(But I want to eat you up.)

Blood rushed to my cheeks and Papa noticed my changed demeanor. "Kon hai jo itni hasi aarhi hai." He teased me. (Who is it that you are smiling so much?)

I looked up at him and chuckled nervously, "Koi nahi, bas Jaylene. She sent me a joke." I mumbled. (no one, just Jaylene. She sent me a joke)

'Tumhari bhook ko main aakar dekhungi' (I will take care of your appetite after coming back)
I replied to him quickly and switched off the internet to avoid any more incoming messages.

Damn!
He is such a moody...
And tease!

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........

11 January 2022
10:05 PM

Dear diary,

Guys have mood swings too.
And considering the way yesterday went? He was having loaddsss of mood swings.
One second irritated
Next second flirty
Next second tensed
And next second again back to joking.

I mean????

I think I should give him some space until he sorts out this on-going problem at his work. Also, apart from the fact that guys are problem solvers and prefer to handle things on their own, I don't really have a clue on how to help him either.
Because:
A) I have no clue in Coding stuff
B) Ranting doesnt exist in guys' dictionary.

Yes I got to know it last night too. (The B part ofcourse)

They are very weird creatures.

Okay so what happened was, he was again tensed so I asked him, 'what's wrong?' 'what's bothering you?'

He told me 'something about work stuff', to which I gave him a pat pat on his head (GIFs) while saying 'I hope everything sorts out soon InShaAllah'

I could have stopped here and changed the topic.
But no.
Something inside me wanted to know, 'what exactly is bothering him.'

Or maybe I just wanted to see if he shares his things or not?
He has shared his whole life journey with you Hayat, what made you think like that?
Stupid thought.

I had a slight doubt too that maybe any emotional stuff is there?
Again, stupid thought.

Or maybe I just wanted to take a sneak-peak inside his mind?
Hmm that makes sense.

Anyways I kept on giving a soft push on the subject with messages like, 'you can share if you want to.'

He said 'sure' and straight away told me the thing that was bothering him.

It was something about Web Macro Bot which I didn't know what the hell was that in the first place. So I did a quick Google Search and it was kinda robot thing, used in making websites.
Coding stuff

And here comes his next message, 'what should I do now? Any clue?'

Dude, I don't even know about its existence!

But well, you are the one who kept poking him, 'tell me tell me'. He just did what you asked lol.

Well, my intention wasn't solving his problem na?

Hence I learned that both of our minds were working differently here.

My feminine brain thought it feels good after ranting or sharing things, no matter if we get the advice back or not. It feels light to let out the heavy thing off our chest.

On the other side, his masculine brain was just looking for solution. Ranting doesnt exists in his dictionary.

Hence, I said 'you can share anything with me' with the intention of releasing the bottled up emotions. Whereas his situation was nowhere close to that. It was all logical thing. So when he asked for the solution in the end, I didn't know what to do.

Well the good part is, his next reply helped me in understanding men better.

'I have no problem in sharing stuff, but I want a solution if I do it. So next time, before asking, remember to give me a solution too.'

That means, if a guy is sharing his problem with you, he is expecting a solution from you. Well, exceptions can be there, but it makes sense why generally men don't share their problems unless they need some help. Because sharing doesn't help the problem they are facing. Solution does.

Women feel good by sharing things.
Men feel good by solving things.

Interesting species.

Well that's what life is.
We learn something new everyday.

It makes sense why arguments happen between couples lol.
Because we think the other person functions just like us.
Just like what I did.
I tried to give him the medicine which works on me, not knowing the fact that he needs another medicine.
Whereas men does the same.
When their girl shares their problems, they think, she needs a solution, not knowing the fact that she just wants to rant.

Oh gosh this is so funny.

Anyways I'm glad we ended up joking later on and this didn't turned into an argument or something.

I loveeee this thing about us: solving things without getting hyper.

Conclusion: I learned two things about men.
They have mood swings too.
They are hardcore problem solvers.

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.........

I think he has made me his personal grammarly app.

Since last week, he comes up at any time of the day with some blog posts while saying,
'check the grammer'
'does this sounds okay?'
'rewrite it in better form'

Just like he is doing now.
Given the fact he has no patience at all!
It isn't even 2 mins of him sending the content and he is already spamming me with messages like,
'is it done?'
'hurry up!'
'its urgent'

'Sabarrr. Dimag to chalne do!!'
(Patiencee. Let the brain function!!)
I replied to him at last.
Ignoring his new messages, I put my focus on the context.

After giving a green flag to some posts while correcting some, I scrolled down to check the remaining ones.

"Huh?!" My brows furrowed as I focused on the laptop screen. "What is kind of broken English is this? These sentences aren't making any sense at all!"

I picked up my phone and texted Murat, 'Give me the Hindi version, so I can translate it better. These 4 lines aren't make any sense to me.'

He helped me out with 2 posts in a row, giving me a rough idea about it.
Coming down to the 3rd one, I understood the content but decided to poke him instead. He was already annoyed because of some work and I was enjoying testing his patience limit.

Playing with fire.
So unlike me.

At last he texted,
'Tum jo likha hai Meri Jaan, vahi kardo.
Dimag ka bh***** ho raha hai.
Aur mat karo.'
(My Sweetheart, just do whatever seems right.
My brain is already fucked up. Don't overdo it.)

I laughed so hard as his texts pops up, frustration clearly visible from them.
He doesn't curse much.
But when he does, its hilarious.

Especially the Meri Jaan word.
I was NOT expecting that.

I know he didn't used it as an endearment as it is. It must be the translated version of cuss words too. But I couldn't help but feel butterflies inside my stomach.

Endearment is an endearment after all!
Plus its my favourite one.

I quietly corrected whatever I felt right with the rest of the weird paragraphs and submitted him as fast as possible.

Janab is converting his anger into love for me?
Uffo

(My delulu self will kill me one day I know)

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...........

The satisfaction of enjoying the free time after completing the work is GREAT.

But as the work is coming closer to bare minimum day by day, I'm feeling bored. I mean, it's not the first time Murat is busy as usual while I'm free.
But I didn't used to feel this free before. Maybe because I have finally tasted the essence of being busy at work and I want more.

It's so great for real.

Especially for an overthinker like me, it helps in staying on balance, saving me from unnecessary thoughts. It makes sense why Murat loves working so much.

Hmmmm...
How about I watch some series from my MustWatchList?
The Netflix account will be expired soon. It's a good time to make the best out of it.

After scrolling through the latest series and watching the teasers, I finally clicked on Emily In Paris.

I have heard a lot about this one.
The teaser seems interesting too.
Let's check it out.

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Few hours later
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Damn!
It's sooooo gooodd.
If you wanna have a good cozy time? It's the one for you.
Everything is so balanced.
Romance, drama, comedy.
Oh gosh the love triangle is so hilarious.

My phone vibrated, interrupting the show I was hooked on. While still chuckling over a scene I saw a few seconds before, I opened my lock screen.

10:28 PM
Xiao Nai
New message

I paused the show and opened his chat.

'Aa gaye tum'
(You're here.)

'Ha bas free hua abhi'
(Yeah just got free)

'Acha'
(Oh)

'Kya kar rahi thi'
(What were you doing?)

'I was watching Emily in Paris, just about to finish the first season.'

'Aha? That dirty dirty stuff?'

'What's dirty in that?'

'There must be you know 'those' kind of scenes'

'Not much. I mean yeah there are a few but not that explicit.'

'Still 😏 there are some though'

'It's not porn though 😂'

'Hmm'

'What about 'those' dirty dirty stuff you watch?'

'I don't watch it anymore'

'Aha? Then what happens at night?😏'

'Well, that happens just with you. And coz why not? You are so hot. Cant help it.'

'Acha 😛'

'Ji'

I shook my head with an idiotic smile and was about to go offline but an idea pops up in my head.
'Acha suno'
(By the way, listen)

'Ji'

'Here's a question for you.
Describe me in 5 words.'

'Umm...
You are really great girl ❤
Five words adjust karliye 😂'
(Here I adjusted 5 words 😂)

'Arey 😂'
I mean yes that was very creative and sweet, especially the heart at the end. But that's not what I was asking him.

'That's just how it is!
If you had asked for 1 word, then I would have said Sexy'

'Paanch words batao na'
(Use five words na)

'Achha alag alag bata sakta hu?'
(Okay can I say separately?)

'Yep yep. Separately.'

'Samajh nahi aa raha. 😅
Kya kya kahun'
(Hmmm I'm confused. 😅
The list is too long)

Uffo.
I'm flattered.
Janab isn't able to pinpoint.
Let's help him a little bit.
'Say anything that comes to your mind. If someone asks what kind of girl she is? Then what would you say?'

'At first I'll say
She's hot
She takes care of me alot
Understands me
Sexy af
And cute too ☺'

'Awe :") '
I slide under the warm blanket like a wax just melted.

'Haanjii'
(Yes)

'Itne fida ho mujhpe?😂'
(You're that head over heels for me?😂)

'😂😂😂😂😂
Haaa
Or kya.'
(Yessss
Totally)

'😂😂
Achha Ji.'
(Oh my)

'Alright you continue your series, I got some work to finish.'

'Okii see ya. Take care'

'Hmm. You too'

I switched off the phone screen with a blushy smile and sat up, resuming the episode on my laptop. While taking a bite of Dairy Milk, I rolled it below my tongue, savoring the silky rich chocolaty flavor. 

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