I took a sigh of relief after clicking the 'save' option on the laptop screen.
Phew
Finally done
It was a real headache.

Reviewing the CV I just made, I scrolled up the screen checking for minor mistakes. My eyes landed on the work experience and I blushed profoundly.

****ouse.net (Website)
Part time Internship : 1 month

Murat Ahmad (Digital Marketer)
Part time work : 1 month

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach by watching our names together in a document. Blush spreads through my neck as I remembered about adding an experience letter under his name. Sadly it's only made for government authorised companies, not any individual, hence, not possible.

But well, in my eyes, work experience is work experience. So I just mentioned it in CV.

Or maybe I just needed a reason to?

I wonder what it will look like in another document.
A document made just for couples.
The marria-

I slapped myself while screaming internally.

Back to earth Hayat!!
No daydreaming of impossible things.
Hush hush!!
....but..
What if.....?
OH THAT WOULD BE SURREAL!

"STOOPPP," I scolded myself before I slipped away into that zone, and opened the websites to apply for jobs.

Some seemed like a scam, some were low paying, while some were unpaid internships. "Oh god," I sighed, resting back at the cushions. "Finding a decent job is sooo harddd," I stretched myself while whining. I picked up my phone to check the time and my eyes fell on the date.

14 February 2022

Today's valentine's day??
I laughed while snuggling in the cushions and a memory hit me. I quickly sat up and opened a new tab on the laptop, writing down everything in my virtual journal.

Dear diary,
Today's Valentine's Day.
Not that I celebrate it, but flashbacks of talking to him for the first time are just hitting me right now. It was Valentine's week when we started talking and Murat was getting on my nerves because of his stubbornness.

Some things just never change.

'What day is it?' I asked him.

'Idk, google it. I don't keep track of valentine week XD ' he replied.

'Chocolate day maybe.
Let me google it.
No. It was yesterday. Today's teddy day.' I cleared out after doing my quick research.

'Achha.'

'Haa. Where's my chocolate?' I joked, which he took seriously because he ended up ordering a pack of chocolates and sent me a screenshot.

'Whatt!! No no no. I was just kidding.' I tried to stop him.

He asked my number to add up in the form so the delivery man can contact me if gets stuck somewhere. I tried to take back my joke but well, he took it really seriously lmao.

'You dont consider me your friend that means' he replied.

(What in the emotional blackmail was that XD)

'Who said that' I replied.

'Then take chocolates.'

I think that was his cleverness too.
He must have sensed I really like him. Otherwise if someone else would have said this to me in just 2 days of chitchat, I would have kicked him out.

The funny part is, I was even considering the idea of taking it lololol.

'I can't, even if I want to! I don't have my cousin in Delhi who can help me.' I replied. (Zoe wasn't home.)

'Is it that difficult to receive a gift?'

'First of all, no one sends me any parcel. Second of all, its valentine's week plus gift would be chocolates, which leaves more room for suspicious eyes. Third of all, I trust no one in my home except my cousin who isn't in Delhi at the current moment.' I explained to him.

'I see. So she is your doremon.'

'Yes lol.'

Anyways. He kept on pursuing which resulted in erupting my volcano, 'Murat tum pit jaoge. Hadh hoti hai.' (Murat I will beat you up. Enough is enough.)

Anyways, fast forward.

'Acha number to do,' he said.
(Okay at least give me your number.)

'Kyu'
(Why)

'Kyu? Dost nahi manti.'
(Why? Don't you consider me as your friend?)

'No but. It's just been two days since we started talking.'
I never share my personal number on social media, but I don't know why he felt safe.
Just my instincts talking maybe?
Weird shit. (Dont try this stunt with strangers, its unsafe.)

'So? Don't you trust me?'
Sucha blackmailer he was.

'It's not like that.'

'Then?'

Andddd I finally gave in because he was too irresistible.
'Alright give me your number, I will text you on WhatsApp.' I replied. 'I trust you but not social media.'

Bro that vibe was so fresh and different with him. That vibe when you begin to know a person. The feeling which I get now from him is totally different from back then. Not in a bad way, but good way.

And when he sent the voicenotes first time???
Oh dear.
I was literally drooling over his voice. Jannah was like, 'damn! pakistani accent,' after hearing the favourite ones I sent her.

I remember that I was unwell at that time and declined to send voicenotes when he asked mine.
But he said, 'no worries. Still send me'.
And when I did, he replied, 'agar abhi itni khubsoorat awaz hai to badme kesi hogi.' (If your sick throaty voice is so cute and pretty, I wonder how heavenly will you sound after the recovery.)

BHAI (BRO) HE WAS SUCHA FLIRT BACK THEN.

And then he added, 'haa lag raha hai vese beemar awaz. Jao aram karo.' (yea it's visible btw how sick you are. Go and rest.)

Fun fact, we talked the whole day through voicenotes as I munched up the cake rusks with tea.

Uff those days.
Yaar, I want to relive those moments.....

.
.

The leaves made a rustling sound as the cool breeze started to blow softly. Spring was around the corner. I ruffled my damp hair and clutched them with a hair claw clip.

It was already evening. Time flies fast when I'm having my sunbath after a warm relaxing shower. Plus the days are shorter in winters, so what can I say. Shiver ran down my spine as the cool breeze hits my face and I cover myself with jacket.

The sun was already gone. But the weather is too good to leave yet. Especially the sky. Clouds were floating in the sky, making different shapes every minute and I couldn't help but gaze without getting bored.

That's the thing about skies. No matter how much you look at them, you never get tired. It's like looking at the endless sea of clouds that brings peace to your heart.

What a beautiful creation Almighty has made.
Truly a work of art.
Oh! I'm in love with his creation.

Smile crept on my lips as my thoughts drift to Murat once again. Just another creation of Almighty with whom I'm in love. I cover my face and kick my legs in the air with a small squeal as I was sitting on the chair.

I picked up my phone and opened his chat. I love pinging him randomly. It's been three days we haven't had a catchup too. Let's see where he is.

'Janab'

'Are wah bilkul thik timing pe text kia tumne.' In an instant his text pops up.
(Wow, what a perfect timing.)

'Acha?'

'Haan, just abhi phone uthaya tha or tumne text krdia'
(Yeah, just now I picked up my phone and your text popped up)

'Dekha ise kehte hain mohabbat ;) '
(See, that's what love is )

'Acha ji'

'Ji. Fikr na karo chhed rahi hu bas'
(Yeah. Dont worry I'm just teasing you)
I instantly gave my disclaimer before he start his lecture on not falling in love too deeply.

'Hmm. Aur batao kya kar rahi thi?'
(Hmm. Anyways what's up?)

'kab aaoge dubara?'
(When will you come again?)

'Kyu, raha nahi ja raha?'
(Can't wait, huh?)

'Ye mat pucho bas.'
(Just don't ask me this)
I tap my cheeks to stop myself from smiling too much.

'Kyu.' He replied with a smirking emoji.

I just sent a shy emoji of a monkey covering his eyes. His teasing always turns me speechless.

'Achha.. Bata dunga main jese hoga.'
(Yess I will inform you if things align.)

I took a sigh of relief as he stopped with his teasing. 'Haan. Aur kiske sath date par gaye Valentine's day par.'
(Yeah. So, who was your Valentine's date?)

'Valentine's day? When was it? I didn't even know lol.'

'Acha. Laptop k sath romance kar rahe honge'
(Ohh. You must be having romance with your laptop then.)

'Haan kaam me pata hi nahi chala'
(Yea day flies quickly when I'm busy with work.)

'Ji.'

'So, how are you?'

'Feverish. Otherwise fine alhamdulillah.'

'Took medicine?'

'Oh shit. I forgot. Lemme go downstairs quickly.' I stood up and ran towards the stairs.

'Downstairs? You are at terrace at this hour in fever?'

'Hehe. I was sunbathing after the shower and soon the weather was too good to go downstairs.'

He sent few eye rolling emojis, clearly showing his disappointment.

'Dont worry I'm in room now.' I added a few emojis of a sheepy smile and gulped down the medicine with water.

.
.

"Aanchhooo" I sneezed for the 10th time in my napkin as my body felt burning.

"Hayat." Mum's faint voice was becoming clear with every second as she came at my room's door. "Come and eat something then take medicine."

"I don't feel like eating anything." I mumbled.

"But you can't take medicine in an empty stomach beta."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried to stand up straight. My vision became black all of a sudden with stars twinkling around and I immediately grabbed whatever I could to not fall. I felt a hand grabbing my arm keeping me upright and after a few seconds the vision started to get clear.

Weakness is getting the best of me.

"No need to walk out, I will bring the dinner here." Mummy said.

"No." I shook my head. "Just give me tea with biscuits."

.
.

I gulped down forcefully until my limit crossed out, which was just 4 pieces of biscuits.

"Bas? Itna sa?" (Thats it?) Mum asked with concern written all over her face.

"I'm feeling nauseous."

"Okay don't force. Its alright." She rests her palm over my forehead, "Did you checked the temperature? Your fever seems high."

I shook my head in no and she walked out of my room. I cover my mouth instantly as I feel food rising up in the wrong direction in esophagus and run towards the washroom.

I hate vomiting.
They make you feel helpless because it's kinda moment when your body takes complete control over itself. You have to submit yourself, willingly or forcefully, doesn't matter.

After brushing up and flushing the toilet, I walked outside and saw mum waiting for me with a thermometer in her hand.

"Thand lag gayi tumhe. Puri sham chhat pe thi na nahane ke baad."
(Seasonal flu it is. Whole evening you were at terrace despite having a bath na? In between the chilly winds)

"Dhoop ke liye gyi thi." I murmered
(I went for a sunbath.)

"5 baje bhi dhoop thi na." (Till 5 pm, ofcourse) Even tho her voice was soft but sarcasm wasn't hidden beneath it. "First check temperature." She hands me thermometer, "and then have this medicine. And rest up."

"I wont puke again, right?" I adjust the glassy thermometer under my tongue.

"Hopefully."

.
.

I twist and turn in my blanket when a thought hits me.

I still haven't got my periods.

My eyes snapped open as the scary thought pops up in my mind.

Vomiting
Fever
Missing periods.
About to faint

Nonononono

Think logically Hayat.
Its not possible.
WE DIDN'T EVEN HAD SEGGS WTF
THINK LOGICALLY

I took deep breaths and focused on whatever we did.
Okay
Yes we tried.
To penetrate.
But complete penetration didn't happen.
Okay
What about ejaculation?
No weren't in position that time.
Okay
Cool

So there's no way any sperm can land inside me.

But wait a minute......
Precum...
Yes precum was there while we were doing the attempts. I noticed it. But it doesn't have sperm does it?

I sat up straight and typed in my google search bar with shaky hands.

Can precum make you pregnant?

Various articles popped up and I started to read them one by one.

Only the sperm makes you pregnant and the precum usually doesn't have sperm. Hence, No. Precum doesn't make you pregnant.

I took a sigh of relief.
Phew I'm safe.

But according to studies, there's a slight possibility of sperm being leaked into the precum.

WTF NONONONO.

It happens usually in the second round after the ejaculation.

Phew.

But in some cases, if the person is very fertile, it can make you pregnant if the sperm is leaked into the precum. The possibility is as low as 10 percent though, nonetheless, the doctors always advise to use contraceptives for safety measures.

What The Hell.
Just stay on one side dude!
Why are you giving me heartattacks one after the other!

I cover my face as horror starts to seep down but I tried my best to console myself.

You're overthinking Hayat.
It's not possible scientifically.
Calm down gurl.
The possibility is as low as 10 percent.

But what if he is in that 10 percent.
Ohmygod.
Nononono
Its just seasonal flu
Periods will be here soon too.
Dont worry

My hand slides on my stomach as i pull up my t-shirt while looking in the mirror.

It's just an empty uterus Hayat.
It's not possible scientifically.
Cmon you are a logical girl right?

Yes, its not.
Im just being silly
Nothing happened
We didn't even penetrate.
I'm being an idiot.

I pulled down the tshirt and snuggled in the blanket, trying to sleep but in vain. My mind was full of stupid thoughts.

Some thoughts were horrific.
While some were in their own delusional world, like, what it would feel like to have a part of him inside me?

YOU WILL BE ABANDONED AND HOMELESS YOU IDIOT.
JUST SHUT UP AND SLEEP.

.
.
.

******